WISH ME LOVE

In my first blog I told you that I write "Wish me love" at the end of every journal entry. Let's talk about it. It started with me wanted to end my first entry this year with "Wish me luck" but I realized luck isn't what I wanted; I wanted love. Like true love. I wanted to experience love. Sounds weird if you know me even a little bit; hear me out. I don't mean like romantic love, although that would be nice. For so long I didn't accept the love from others and Christ because I didn't feel worthy of it. I didn't love me or who I was becoming. I know many can relate to that. I know many can say they still struggle with it. So do I. Maybe your life has been like mine where a lot of the friendships/relationships you valued were imbalanced. Meaning, you loved unconditionally but the other persons love was dependent on a perfect performance from you. 

What a destructive way to look at love. Well lets back up...that's not love. True love IS unconditional. Meaning, no matter what you do or what happens there is love. Now, listen that's not a golden ticket to just do what you want and then expect people to remain there through it all. No baby, someone that truly loves you is willing to walk away from you when you are heading directly towards destruction with no plan of changing. They love you AND themselves enough to walk away. However, when there is remorse and true change they are there with open arms ready to love on you. Anyways, different subject for a different day. That concept of unconditional love was so foreign EVEN though I grew up in the church and knew God's love was unconditional; I didn't understand what that meant so it meant nothing to me. I know it sounds harsh but it's the truth. 

The craziest thing is I think the little love I had for myself was conditional. Like I only approved, liked, and loved myself when I would do something that would benefit me. Yikes, that's a rarity! No, but seriously, looking back I was so hard on myself that I left no room for God's grace. I was constantly wounding myself with negative thoughts, words, and actions. So selfish. I didn't allow myself room to not be perfection while knowing I was absolutely NOT perfect. So prideful. What a vicious and tormentous cycle. 

So early this year I read the Gospel for the first time. I know a preacher's kid that at 26 is just now reading the Gospel. Judge if you want but growing up in the church I knew once I read it it would change me and if I'm being transparent (which I am ), I didn't want to change. Let me tell you, so humbling, the first time I truly understood unconditional love. It was overwhelming yet freeing. Overwhelming because someone died for me KNOWING I'd be a mess and purposefully not follow him in seasons of my life. Yet, he still chose to die for me. Freeing because I knew I no longer had to expect this perfection in order to be loved by myself and others. So when I say Wish me Love I mean wish me love from the Father, my self and from the relationships that are genuine. I wish you love too, I wish you would open your heart up in a way that allows you to accept the love that is already there but also allows you to begin healing from past wounds. Wishing you love as you...

Wish Me Love 💕