JustWrite

I took a shower today, it's 2:30am. Life with a toddler is...strange, interesting, and ever-changing. It's hard and rewarding at the same time. She is truly such a light and my external heart. And, I am constantly battling fears and anxiety. I over think most things. I consider 18 outcomes to all situations. I internalize most things to a point where I am numb. As you know I am working on that not being the case which means I feel more than ever before. So, I want to tell you what I am feeling. This coming Sunday is mother's birthday and the following Wednesday is a cancer screening for my daughter under anesthesia. I find myself clenching my jaw literally as I write this because even though my emotions have been stagnated for years my body remembers and feels it all. My jaw tightens, my body contorts inward, my face crinkles - all at the thought of Wednesday.  The day my daughter went into surgery, I was completely numb. As you know, it has been my survival technique since...

     Ya'll - it has been a minute! That's a figure of speech which makes no sense because a minute is a very short amount of time but in this figure of speech it represents a long time. Anyways, I'm sure there's a word for that sort of situation but I don't know it. How are you? Man, it truly has been a year since I have written something. I honestly have had a lot I want to say and so I have said nothing. I know I'm not the only person that happens with and I'm sure that's a result of ADHD. Something about being overwhelmed all the time really just paralyzes me. It seems like my brain never stops and even when I have rested I wake up exhausted. Maybe that's a part of motherhood. I honestly am not sure. You like how I just threw that in there. Motherhood. Yes, I am a whole mother. It's been a year and I still can't believe I am someones muvah (my British accent). I am honored and absolutely terrified at the same time.      I don't know wh...