JustWrite

 It's been a while and I missed you. The last blog was all about how I am not ready for a relationship. Since then and exposing myself to the 50 people who read this blog, I have been doing alot of praying. Praying and asking God to change my appetite. At first this prayer was directed toward my physical appetite. If you know me, you know I do not like vegetables. I am actually allergic to most in my brain. Like my mouth repels veggies, or at least it used to. It didn't take long before I started to feel like the over processed foods I was used to eating all tasted fake and plastic-y. It left a foul after taste. So, that got me thinking.  Of course, I have to take everything to a deep level because that's how God made me. I began to wonder why I allowed myself to eat the way I was, to gain the weight that I did. I came to a conclusion to made me incredibly sad. Because I didn't understand why I wasn't accepted in past relationship, like they didn't "choose...

I want to tell ya'll a story about what happened last weekend. I was at MetroMart getting some food for dinner because, well we were hungry and it was 9pm. I am there in a very faded, kinda flaking Tupac shirt with leggings and wannabe Birkenstocks. I mean bumming it and I see this tall, slender black guy and we make eye contact. I smile and quickly go back to dissecting the ingredients of cheese because for some reason they add the most  unnecessary things, even in block cheese! Anyways, I digress, so I figure out what I need and I move on to getting our favorite potstickers (I don't check the ingredients on this because I don't want to responsible). I find them, hurriedly grab a bag and start walking towards the check out. As I am passing the other frozen food aisles the man appears again and compliments my shirt. I say thank you, finding it odd because the shirt is seriously falling apart. I quickly remove my gaze and continue towards check out. He checks out with a work...

In my first blog I told you that I write "Wish me love" at the end of every journal entry. Let's talk about it. It started with me wanted to end my first entry this year with "Wish me luck" but I realized luck isn't what I wanted; I wanted love. Like true love. I wanted to experience love. Sounds weird if you know me even a little bit; hear me out. I don't mean like romantic love, although that would be nice. For so long I didn't accept the love from others and Christ because I didn't feel worthy of it. I didn't love me or who I was becoming. I know many can relate to that. I know many can say they still struggle with it. So do I. Maybe your life has been like mine where a lot of the friendships/relationships you valued were imbalanced. Meaning, you loved unconditionally but the other persons love was dependent on a perfect performance from you.  What a destructive way to look at love. Well lets back up...that's not love. True love IS unc...