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WORTH

     This is one of those topics that is so deep and involved that I have been hesitant to even approach it. Just know from jump, this won't be the only blog addressing this. It is always a timely topic because it is a daily struggle for many. What I have realized, for me and many others, is we limit our own worth with our toxic thinking. This can be seen as we compare ourselves to every thing and every one. Worth is a measure of value based on the gravity of a sacrifice. We will talk more about the ultimate sacrifice committed just for you in a later blog. 

Early last year I got tired of feeling worthless. I was allowing the happenings of life to define my worth. I want to let you in on a secret - life will always devalue you when you give it power. For example, in your job you are replaceable; let that sink in. Is that not a light jab to the heart? I mean the first time I heard that I was taken back, succumbed to the fact and placed value in it. I know you're like - uhhh Vash, this is not helping. Stick with me.

I'm no professional psychologist, but I am no amateur in struggling with my worth and I am a professional at toxic thinking. Let me give some examples. Throughout my life I never felt important. The people that I was closest with would move away, disappear from my life or die. I must not be worth staying for. I was always in trouble, I was always disappointing someone I admired. I can't do anything right, therefore, no one wants me around. I was never the prettiest or even one of the pretty ones. In fact I was taller and bigger than everyone else. No one wants me, I am not desirable. I was never the girlfriend, always the bestfriend or the friend they would come to for relief. I am not good enough to be committed to just enough to be used. 

I took every action of someone else, internalized it and felt it must be a mirror for who I am and what I am really worth. After all, there's a reason for all these things happening to me. Maybe everyone else sees my true value and I am just looking through rose colored glasses (meaning maybe I am lying to myself when I try to affirm myself through positive thoughts). I mean, if I was valuable like everyone else I would have what everyone else has. Lies, these are lies. 

I'm not one to just throw good-feeling quotes at you but...YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN YOU AND THE WORLD THINKS.  I know feeling worthless hurts like hell (let's be real - what's a more descriptive word?...I'll wait). Its a lifetime of toxic thoughts and behaviors that you have to overcome. I still struggle to not feel second rate or an inconvenience (or when people used me - a convenience). 

I am learning to ACT MYSELF INTO A FEELING. Meaning, I am not consistently going to agree with my affirmation or feel amazing. However, I am going to act like I feel amazing and act like I know I am worth it. Small habits create extraordinary results so eventually I will feel that way and believe it! You aren't lying to yourself; you are amazing! 

When you place your value in things you can't control you will never exit the vicious cycle of worthlessness. You will constantly be disappointed. Place value in what you know/believe to be true. I know I am a good person with pure intentions and a big heart. Whether people attempt to abuse it or simply don't see it, is not something I can control, therefore, I place no value or worth in that. I place my worth in knowing that where I am right now, who I am right now is MORE than enough. You will always be more than enough - even at your lowest. 

Wish me love 💛

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