JustWrite

I took a shower today, it's 2:30am. Life with a toddler is...strange, interesting, and ever-changing. It's hard and rewarding at the same time. She is truly such a light and my external heart. And, I am constantly battling fears and anxiety. I over think most things. I consider 18 outcomes to all situations. I internalize most things to a point where I am numb. As you know I am working on that not being the case which means I feel more than ever before. So, I want to tell you what I am feeling. This coming Sunday is mother's birthday and the following Wednesday is a cancer screening for my daughter under anesthesia. I find myself clenching my jaw literally as I write this because even though my emotions have been stagnated for years my body remembers and feels it all. My jaw tightens, my body contorts inward, my face crinkles - all at the thought of Wednesday.  The day my daughter went into surgery, I was completely numb. As you know, it has been my survival technique since...

This was originally written in 2021. I didn't published it then but feel to publish now: Yes, only the third blog and we're going deep. Why wait to transform our lives? What I am realizing is the things that are plaguing our mind are the things that we aren't releasing. What isn't transformed is transferred. This is how generational curses work but that's for a different day. The only way I can explain the damage silence does is through my own story and experiences. There are SO many examples I can give in my short 26 years of life, which thinking about it sounds terrible. However, I will just give one.  When I was younger I was taken advantage of sexually. Wow, that's still hard to write and admit. It happened by someone in the church. Yes, this happens in the church MORE than you think and needs to be talked about. The thing with abuse is there is a tremendous amount of shame that comes with. The reasons vary but I believe for many, they believe they did some...